There is no easy way to process trauma and there are no scripts for how it’s “supposed” to go. The first step, however, is often the same for everyone and it involves simply noticing and acknowledging our emotions. There is a safe place to put your story. Whether it’s in a journal, with a trusted friend, or with a therapist, you need somewhere to set it down or it will forever weigh on you. Below are all the reasons to start talking:
Support. Sharing your story can free you from isolation and create a sense of belonging vs. feeling stigmatized or ashamed. A therapist or a support group can witness and affirm (we don’t always need opinions, just somewhere to put it down for a while) – and can leave the survivor feel seen. It can be a turning point for many.
To process. Making sense of what happened can be confusing for some. Trauma is messy, layered with intensity and emotion, and it often it feels completely unspeakable. Turning it into something “speakable” and coherent is a step in the right direction. Just notice how you describe the experience and mostly what it feels like in your body. Also know that you have the power to take a break at any time. As you share, the puzzle pieces may slowly start coming together and making sense.
Your trauma doesn’t define you. Trauma can feel like the most significant thing in your existence. There was life before the event, and then there is life after. It’s okay to feel somewhat defined by what happened, even though it can feel all-consuming. Realizing that you’re more than your trauma is also key in the healing process. Talking about it will give you your control back – become the victor, not the victim.
Find meaning. Trauma makes us examine ourselves. “Doing the work” has a way of making us recalibrate our values. Coming out on the other side of experiences that were difficult change us, there is no doubt. When the body can slow done and get “unstuck” from the intensity of the emotion, difficult experiences can also serve to sharpen our sense of purpose, help us focus on what really matters and become empowered by our own resilience.
It's a process, my friends. Be gentle with yourselves and understand that this type of deep emotional work takes time and a lot of energy. Just because you removed the stressor, does not mean the stress response dissolves. Be patient and kind to you.
